I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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