Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
