Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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