he told me I talked like a deaf person
fuck your aforementioned shoe
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we're making bets on your personal life
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
