drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
