Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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