I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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