I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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