woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
