Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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