I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
its not stalking. its research.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
