U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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