Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I am morally bankrupt
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
