I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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