Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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