instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
