My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
