sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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