We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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