i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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