That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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