There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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