i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
false alarm, still single
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
