i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
