Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
