The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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