sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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