A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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