Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
