How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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