3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
