I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
smell my finger.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
