So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
