YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
