im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
