...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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