Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
