If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
