No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize