just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
