don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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