remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
