Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need moral support for this bender
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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