I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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