A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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