There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
