I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
