I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
