Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize