If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
