I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
