Umm I'm too high to move.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
