just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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