yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
