I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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