Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
