Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
