on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
