Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize