apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
