You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
