Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
