then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
