2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
