ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
