I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
