Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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